The Person You Are Waiting For Is Coming. But Will You Be Ready?

We all know deep within that things would be different if we would be with someone who was truly “matching” us. We get up, we work, we answer the messages, we build a life that looks whole from the outside, and something inside stays folded over, held back, still locked away until somehow it gets unlocked by that person we have not met yet. We live at half strength and we call it patience. We are waiting to begin. We are waiting for the one who will make beginning worth it.

We often wait to find the right partner to start working on ourselves. Because this is real. Without that motivation, we are like empty vessels, ghost-like humans, not fully alive. The business idea sits in a note on the phone, year after year, and we tell ourselves the timing isn't right. We are not lazy. We are unlit. Something in us understands that the fire we need has not arrived yet.

The Paradox at the Heart of Waiting

And yet, when this person comes, if we haven't worked on ourselves enough, it's too late. We are not ready to handle them. This is so paradoxical. Yet this is a law of life and Love.

The meeting we spent years waiting for asks for a version of us that only the waiting could have built, and the waiting is exactly the time we spent escaping from building it. We wanted the motivation first so that we could be able to  truly Work on ourselves. Something in us was demanding for that person before we could find the faith to do the super-efforts we need to do. And this makes sense…

But life and love don’t work like that. They ask for the Work first and give the person after, or give the person in the middle of our unreadiness and lets us watch how little we are able to handle them. The encounter does not wait for us to catch up. It arrives at full intensity, carrying everything it carries, and it meets whoever is standing there. And of course, when that happens, we find justifications. We find ways to make ourselves feel like this extraordinary person was not truly “the one”, and that it was “too complicated”. But in reality, if we are honest with ourselves, it’s just that we were not ready. We didn’t have the ressources inside of ourselves to deal with what this encounter brought up. Because this encounter was sent to bring you even further in life. But how can one handle it if one is not able to understand its messages? If one misunderstands the messenger? If one is not able to read emotional language and the suffering of another without feeling judged or attacked? If one is not able to regulate one’s nervous system to handle another’s pain? 

Without the ressources, we are doomed. This incredible love which was supposed to bring us further becomes more of a burden than a doorway. It is lost. And we can’t even see how much we have lost, because we could never fully grasp it and receive its fruits. We only felt it, in the depth of ourselves, that this love was extraordinary. But since we have told ourselves that it was “not it”, then we cannot feel the deep loss. And maybe, also, from that grief, feel a renewed hope for starting to Work on ourselves for real, this time. 

Sometimes Love Comes to Save Us

Sometimes Love comes to "save" us from our blandness and self-sabotaging. It arrives early, before we have earned it, before we have done anything to deserve the size of it, and for a while it does exactly what we hoped it would do. It lifts us. It makes us generous. It makes us want to be something.

But this kind of love most of the time doesn't stay, unless we have a very special dharma. Unless life owes you a very special debt for having helped others in a special way, in this life or another before. For most of us there is no such luck. For most of us, the Love that arrives early arrives as a visitation, not a residence, and it leaves us with the memory of who we were beside it and the question of why we could not hold it.

The Force of Love Wakes Us, Then Asks Us to Choose It

Most of the time, the force of Love wakes us up, then requires of us to honor it and choose it by working at "waking up" ourselves. It does not do the waking for us twice. It shows us what alive feels like, and then it steps back and asks whether we will go there on our own.

And that’s where it gets hard. We are numb without a person who truly corresponds to us. Efforts are much harder. Everything costs more when there is no one on the other side of it — the discipline, the honesty, the sitting with ourselves. We have to generate these super-efforts from almost nothing where the beloved would have generated in them effortlessly in us.

And yet, because this person exists… yes, even if we haven't met them, this person exists.

This Person Exists

And that's the tragedy of it. We don't want to believe that this person will come into our lives until we see it. We protect ourselves from the belief. We call it realism, we call it not getting our hopes up, we say we are fine on our own, and underneath all of it we are refusing to organize our life around someone we cannot yet see. But when we see that this was real, if we haven't prepared for it, it's often too late.

So we need to remember that this person exists and this person will come to us. Not as a fantasy we use to postpone living, but as a fact that changes what today is for. Today stops being an empty stretch of time to get through. Today becomes preparation.

But Will I Be Ready?

Will I be already committed to the wrong person because I was scared to be alone? Will I be in a position where I could cause harm to them by choosing the person I had been waiting for all my life?
Will I be used to watch porn and numb myself out? Pay for sex and develop toxic sexual habits in order to escape my feeling of emptiness? And meet this person with all the effects that this lifestyle has brought within me over the years…

Will I have developed the emotional intelligence to understand their language, when they try to tell me that I need to work on something?

Will I have developed the resources to regulate my nervous system to deal with that intense energy that this encounter will activate within me? Or will it go wild and make me become too demanding, even toxic?

Will I be ready financially to follow them if they live in another country? Or did I feed my discouragement and couldn't get myself to succeed in my wealth?

You know what I mean. These are not abstract questions. Each one names a place where an unprepared life reaches its limit, and where the limit only becomes visible on the day it matters most.

The Work Life Keeps Putting Back in Your Face

The kind of work on yourself that life keeps on asking you, putting it back into your face at times. The same lesson, in a different situation. The same fear, arriving through a different door. The same conversation you keep not having with yourself.

You can choose to do the Work or to procrastinate it, but if you choose to avoid it, it will have a cost in the future. The cost is never charged at the moment of avoidance. It is charged later, at the exact moment you most need it to meet something meaningful, and the bill is always paid in the currency you least wanted to spend.

Not Having Found Them Yet May Be a Blessing

So instead of investing so much energy over and over into finding the right partner, remember that maybe, having not found them yet is a blessing. Because you still have a chance to be ready for it and avoid spoiling it when it comes.

You can choose to invest all that energy into working on yourself, and see where it leads. Hopefully, it will radiate and attract the right partner to you. But even if it doesn't, when the person who truly matches you will come — yes, they will! — you will be a little more ready. That is the part that no one can take from you. Every hour of honest Work is a token of readiness deposited somewhere, waiting for the day it will be needed.

Start Now, Whatever It Is

Don't waste time, do the things you know you should do. Whatever it is. The emotional intelligence learning, the working out, the meditation journey, the new business. Whatever it is that you've been avoiding but you know you should do, that's the thing you need to do to prepare yourself.

Learn to feel what you are feeling before it becomes something you do to somebody else.

Learn to self-regulate consciously, without escaping into a screen, a substance, or a stranger.

Learn to be honest with yourself in the small places, because the shared honesty is built from your honesty to yourself.

Build the resources, the health, the money, the freedom of movement, so that when Love asks you to go somewhere, you can go.

Don't wait. The person you are waiting for might be around the corner. There is no time to waste. Invest in Love, and the force of Love will give you back. You cannot know in which form, timing or place. But it will manifest itself, and you will be able to meet it to the degree of your preparation.

The Promise

The thing you kept for later was never meant to be kept aside until they arrive. It was meant to be met now, alone, unwitnessed, so that there is something whole standing there on the day they walk in.

When this person comes, they will light you up. Make you want to work even harder, and efforts will be much easier. You will be able to grow into your potential with them. But start now, or it might never be. Because the very things that could have served your growth that they will bring to you, you will not be able to handle them or use them properly if you are not prepared.

This is the initiation, and it starts long before the meeting. Love does not arrive to decorate a life we have already finished. It arrives to purify one that is still being made, and this force is so powerful that it will give no mercy. It will not give its fruits until it has shaken the dead leaves away : the numbing, the postponing, the small lies we tell ourselves about why now is not the time. But if you don’t start now, there will be too many dead leaves to shake for what you will be able to handle. 

So if you are tired of waiting, if you have begun to suspect that no one is coming, if you have started to make peace with a smaller life than the one you wanted — there is a way. It is counterintuitive. It demands that you work at becoming someone who can receive them. Do the thing you have been avoiding. Do it today, without knowing who it is for.

They exist. And it is possible. It will find you. But trying to control it or find it too early will just make it worse. For now, just hear the voice of your future self calling you to the urgency of not waste your time, and remembering that this love exists. And it needs you now.